Thursday, December 20, 2012

Seven Signs of the Apocalypse

There are those that say the world will end tomorrow. If they're right, then I'm going to try and get this last rant in under the wire.

Rivers and seas will turn to blood. There will be massive cyclones, famine, drought, locusts, raging infernos, earthquakes, and colossal icebergs the size of Chris Christie breaking off from the Antarctic shelf. A scary scenario indeed.

But sports fans, at least this one, look at things a little differently. How will we know when the end is truly near? When our own Seven Signs of the Apocalypse come about. In case you haven't brushed up on your sports scriptures lately -- here they are.....

1) Soccer fever overwhelms America, putting the NFL and college football out of business.
2) Kobe Bryant dishes out more assists over the course of a season than he takes shots.
3) Detroit Tigers' manager Jim Leyland chucks baseball, returns to his original true love, and becomes an internationally acclaimed operatic tenor.
4) Management and union representatives from all American professional sports enterprises come to agreements and sign binding contracts that last -- forever -- or at least until the end of the world.
5) The NFL holds it's own version of a beauty pageant and Ndamukong Suh is unanimously voted Mr. Congeniality by his fellow players.
6) Charles Barkley takes the PGA by storm and wins all 4 major tournaments.

And, of course.....

7) The Detroit Lions win the Super Bowl.

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