Monday, December 17, 2012

Dumb commercials

If you thought the Jets/Titans game was bad, you should have checked out the Lions/Cardinals -- or was it the other way around? Beats me, but the Titans already beat the Lions this year, the Cardinals scorched them by 4 touchdowns, and even though the Jets appear to be completely clueless, it's probably lucky for the Lions they don't have to play them this year. By the way, all 3 of those teams have better records than the Lions. While the Lions' local media recently referred to the Cardinals as "hapless" -- perhaps they fail to realize that is exactly the same word scribes in other NFL towns use to describe their beloved puddy- tats. The Lions local kool-aiders can diagnose and analyze it all they want with columns and sound bytes but, in the end, Jed Clampett of the Beverly Hillbillies could have summed up their team in just one word. Piiit-eee-ful.

And now a word from our sponsors. Geico has featured the always loveable Gallagher with his Sledge-o-matic doing his watermelon thing at a farmer's market. Also, a slinky on an escalator. Two pitchmen say it's almost as much fun saving money by switching to Geico as Gallagher and the slinky have in the commercials. Cute, but yours truly has a few questions about that. I've looked high and low for a Geico office and can't seem to find one. So if I sign on with those folks to save a few bucks on insurance premiums, then an accident happens and I wish to make a claim -- who do I call? Gallagher? A slinky?

Big time congrats to Syracuse mens' basketball coach Jim Boeheim on winning his 900th career game. That particular milestone was set against the Univ of Detroit, with Dave Bing, the former Syracuse and Detroit Piston great, and current mayor of Detroit on hand. Boeheim will easily surpass Bobby Knight's 902 career victories, but he remains about 36 behind Duke coach Mike Krzyewski who is still rolling along with a premier program himself and given no signs of retiring. Coach K of Duke is 2 years younger than Coach B of Syracuse. Boeheim could conceivably win 1000 games, but he might still wind up in second place. Then again, there was some irony in Dave Bing being on hand. While Boeheim is attempting to overhaul the record books and chasing Coach K, Bing is trying to overhaul his city, while trying to chase away the state from moving in and making him obsolete. I like Boeheim's chances better.

Another commercial break. Have you noticed who's been sponsoring nationally televised games and sports talk shows lately? It's mostly either Toyota, Nissan, or Hyundai. This costs big bucks. Could it be because our Japanese and South Korean friends wish to show their continued appreciation over the US still providing them with the protection of our armed forces at the cost of billions, even though those particular conflicts have been over for 67 and 59 years, respectively? Or could they possibly have another motive? Like preying on gullible Americans that are all too willing to sell out their fellow Americans to save a few bucks? Well, gee.That's a tough one.

Just a little while ago during the Jets/Titans game I found out something new. Santa Claus is now rolling Mercedes' off his North Pole assembly line. That's amazing. Near as I can tell, the people that will get these "presents" must have REALLY big chimneys. Silly me, I'd have a very merry Christmas indeed if I found the car keys to a 2-year old Chevy in my stocking.

Uh oh. Geico's back. There's a dude on a motorcycle riding down the rode covered in money. It's blowing off every which way. People don't know what to make of it. Tell ya what. Obviously, that commercial wasn't shot in certain neighborhoods of Detroit. Had it been, not only would the motorcycle have been gone, but that poor devil might have found himself skinned and slowly rotating over a barbecue pit to see if any more money fell out. Who's kidding who here? Good luck putting in a claim with THAT guy.

Ah, at long last, finally a GM commercial. They were advertising a heavy-duty truck while showing it slogging through mounds of snow. Up and down it went. From airborne to bottoming out. THUD, but it kept right on going. Their theme was the "nutcracker". And that is EXACTLY what might happen to a guy driving that thing when it went thud. No thanks. I've had my cajones busted enough during the course of my lifetime for various reasons, so why, pray tell, would I want to do that? But many might rush right out and buy it.

And somewhere in boardrooms spanning Japan and South Korea, billionaires likely chuckled when they saw it. Stupid Americans. One can only imagine the guffaws if they've been monitoring Lions' fans.

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